Kenshin 101: Sex Talk
by risokura
Summary: Kenshin began to wonder ...how the hell did he get saddled with the responsibility to teach Yahiko what sex was?


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Pure effing crack.

Sano refused too do it, and that left poor old Kenshin to do it. The rurouni sighed as he sat in a spare room used for storing food, comtenplating about how he would start his talk with Yahiko. The SEX talk. That's what our wittle rurouni had to explain. Sure, Kenshin could fight and chop people's heads off during the war, but he couldn't talk to Yahiko about sex? He sighed. No use putting off today what you can do tomorrow.

"Yahiko!" he called. It was the same way Hiko had called out to him. "Can sessha talk to you for a moment?" asked Kenshin as he stood by the door way of the training dojo.

Yahiko turned his head to look at Kenshin. "Just a sec!" Yahiko dropped his bokken down on the floor and ran outside to join Kenshin.

Kenshin patted down on a spot next to him, "Have a seat Yahiko." he said, resting his hands on his thighs.

Yahiko blinked, obviously confused about what the rurouni wanted to talk to him about. Kenshin looked at Yahiko. Yahiko looked at Kenshin.

"Yahiko." he began. "There comes a time in every man's life where he start's to have...what's the best way sessha can put it...sexual urges."

Yahiko cocked an eyebrow. "Huh?" he asked.

"Yahiko, what sessha is trying to explain is...you might see girls you knew as a young boy..." Kenshin scratched his cheek. "For instance, you may see Tsubame-dono in a whole new light than when you were younger."

Yahiko shrugged. "She's still Tsubame..." he said.

Kenshin sighed. "Yahiko, sessha is sure living around adults you've heard your share of what "sex" is, but you haven't really gotten into a detailed discussion about it. Sessha will tell you a little story Yahiko, about how sessha came too know what sex is, and how babies are made."

June 20th 1862. Kenshin's 13th birthday. All those years of dread had finally caught up to him, and now Seijuro Hiko the 13th had to give baka deshi...

The Sex Talk

Hiko had sent Kenshin out on a small trip to go get some water, to give him time to think about how he was going to approach Kenshin with this talk. He could try the old reliable method, get Kenshin to come into the room and calmly approach the situation in his way and said, "Baka deshi, there comes a time in every man's life..." then again, Kenshin wasn't much of a man...yet. Hiko wouldn't know that Kenshin would grow up to be such a cute little oroing killer! Then again...never mind.

It was around mid-evening when Kenshin returned by saying, "Shishou-sama! I'm back with the water!"

Hiko replied with a, "Baka-deshi, get in here, I wanna talk too you."

Kenshin, being his usual calm, sweet, kind, cute 13-year-old self walked into the room that Hiko was currently sitting in and looked at Hiko, as he sat down. He was quiet for a little while, and then Hiko began to talk.

"Baka-deshi, there comes a time in every man's life where he has to learn the basics." said Hiko, trying to put in the best way he knew how. "And the basics are just that, the basics. Now I know you being baka-deshi probably have never heard of how human's reproduce." said Hiko.

"I've heard of the stork shishou-sama." said Kenshin innocently.

"NO BAKA-DESHI! THAT IS NOT HOW WE REPRODUCE!" shouted Hiko, causing poor Kenshin to shudder.

"Sorry shishou-sama! I'm sorry! Really really sorry!" said Kenshin, bowing his head.

"Shut up." Hiko grimaced, looking at his red headed student.

"Yes Shishou-sama." said Kenshin, resuming a somewhat stiff position.

"Now baka-deshi. Sex is when a daddy takes..." Hiko grunted and rubbed his forehead. "his man stick...and put's it into a mommy's private part, known as her mommy box... Lo and behold, a baby is then formed in the mommy's womb. Do you comprehend so far baka-deshi?" he asked.

"What's a mommy box, shishou-sama?" asked Kenshin.

"DAMMIT BAKA-DESHI! YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO AGGRAVATE SOMEONE!" shouted Hiko.

"Sorry shishou-sama." said Kenshin bowing again.

"Then over a growth period of 9 months, a baby is then ready to be born and comes out of the mommy and then the baby joins the world in it's chaos and stupidity." said Hiko, looking at Kenshin.

"But shishou-sama, I thought babies come from the egg's of storks." said Kenshin, looking as innocent as ever.

"DID ANYTHING I SAY SINK INTO THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS?" shouted Hiko, as he knocked on Kenshin's mop of red head.

"Ow shishou-sama!" said Kenshin, rubbing his head.

"Now baka-deshi, I supose you have so questions you wish to ask me. Well, do you?" asked Hiko.

"One shishou-sama." said Kenshin.

"And that is?" asked Hiko, hoping that this short but...well...Hikoish talk did the trick.

"How are babies formed?" asked Kenshin, causing Hiko to want to kill his apprentince all over again.

Kenshin gave a small grimace at the reminder of how his talk with his master had went. Looking back at Yahiko he gave him a small smile. Kenshin took a deep breath and then looked down at the floor. "You see Yahiko...when a woman and a man love eachother...they want to express it to eachother...so they proceed to have...um...nookie..." said Kenshin, hoping that Yahiko understood what he was talking about.

Yahiko stared at him like he was crazy.

Kenshin scratched his head. "So...a man...and a woman come together...and um..they proceed to get naked and then a man and a woman lay down together and um...they use there presents that Kami-sama gave to them and they proceed to make new babies for everyone to love and enjoy!"

"Uh...Kenshin..." said Yahiko, still confused as why they just had this talk.

"Yes Yahiko?" asked Kenshin, hoping Yahiko had no questions about what he had just said.

"I kinda already know how babies are formed..." said Yahiko, scratching his head.

"Oh." A pause "...so there was no reason to this talk was there?" asked Kenshin.

Yahiko shook his head.

"Okay then, well sessha shall be in the well...drowning himself if you need him." said Kenshin, walking out of the dojo and down the road. Yahiko sweatdropped as he heard a loud splash in the far off distance.


End file.
